Good Morning To You Too!

I was awakened this morning when my wooden floor was turned into a tuning fork by my mother who from what I could deduce by the noises she was making, had climbed up onto the kitchen table and was banging on the ceiling with a large hammer. "WAKE UP MASHA WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP MASHA". Then there was silence. I waited a few minutes... there were no more sounds. I could not smell anything burning. So I went back to bed. More specifically into that particularly delicious half doze where I'm really aware of my lucid dreaming. So I was about right in that particular moment of the daydream where sexy things were about to happen... when it happens again. "MASHA GET UP! Did you hear me? Get up! Get up! It's almost one! We are going to be late!! GET UP! GET UP!". What the fuck?! What... I don't understand... what are we late for? What time is it? Did I sleep till five again? Nope. I checked my cellphone its 10:30 a.m. How is that almost one? Wait what time code are we going by? What are we late for? What's going on? I'm not quite sure, but I think I asked some of these questions out loud. I got no response. Everything was silent once more. I wait a few minutes. Nothing. I cautiously yell, "Hello?". No one answers. I wait a few more seconds, "I'm... I'm going to sleep for five more minutes...". No reply.

So I lay back down. In literally what seems like 3 minutes, my mother throws open the hatch door, and starts laying it on me. "You are so SELFISH! We are not going to make the train!! I am leaving WITHOUT you! I hope I never see you AGAIN! You are so LAZY!". With this she pounds back down the stairs and starts bitching to my grandmother about me.

Woah. Woah . Woah. What?

I throw on my clothes, I pack my bag, I go downstairs and in a very calm and mature tone I say "What the holy fuck is going on?!".

"We are going to miss the 11 a.m. train! You think it's more important to lie around being lazy!"

"What 11 a.m. train?!" (See how MAGNANIMOUSLY I ignore being called lazy)

"The one we decided we are taking this morning!" (This is the first I've heard of this "decision")

"When the FUCK did we decide this?!"

"Yesterday! Oh oh I see what you are doing, DON'T PLAY THIS GAME MASHA!"

(What game? What are you talking about? What are the rules? Are there rules? Whats the scoring system? Can I win?No? This game sounds like it SUCKS)

"WHAT. THE. FUCK!" ( Do not mess with me in the mornings. I am serious. I am not a nice person at all. Also very eloquent as you can tell)

"So NOW we have to wait till 1 pm since its 11 and the train leaves Dubna at 11 and gets here at 11:15 and we will never ever ever make it"

(Ok, first of all, we are like 10 minutes walk from the station. It is currently 10:55 pm. So instead of actually leaving, she has been yelling at me for the last 10 minutes. Just wanted to point out how my mothers logic works. I mean I suck at math, but... what the fuck?)

"WHAT THE FUCK!?! I am leaving. You can stay here. I think you are crazy. Oh and btw next time SHARE THESE FUCKING PLANS WITH ME!"

Then I made her race me to the train station. She has shorter legs but I'm sort of thankful she won just because it put her in a really good mood. Though I am not happy about falling into the mud at all. But sacrifices have to be made. She looks so cute and innocent too. So unlike the fucking insane harpy she really is. I should have just started singing "Mambo Italiano" and then could have avoided this fight completely. Though really it's hard fighting with someone who doesn't use any logic and just starts screaming. God.